Matthew Perry, revisiting Friends, and a poll
As probably everyone knows, Matthew Perry, one of the six “Friends” actors, died a few weeks ago very suddenly. This one hit particularly hard, and I’ve been thinking a lot about how Gen Xers were actually going through the stuff the Friends were going through while it was airing. I am 5-10 years younger than most of these actors (I was in college when Friends debuted), but still, many Gen Xers were their age at the time. I know Friends still resonates with Millennials and even Gen Z, but I still think Gen Xers have a specific connection with the show. Like these characters, Gen Xers are not digital natives. We didn’t grow up with cell phones and the internet - those technologies started expanding during our young adulthood. The Friends use landline phones! They have answering machines! They can go directly to the gate at the airport to meet their people (like Rachel does in the season 1 finale, only to find out Ross came home from China with a girlfriend). Those things are integral to the storylines of the show, and they basically no longer exist. Yet we Gen Xers (and older generations) remember experiencing them. I think that gives us a special, unique connection to “Friends."
I like that the other Friends took their times releasing their personal tributes to Perry. Personally, Lisa Kudrow’s was the one that resonated the most for me.
In the wake of Perry’s passing, I decided to rewatch “Friends” (it’s streaming on MAX). I’ve only watched the first season so far, but all I can say is: the show really holds up as one of the best comedies in TV history. Now, were there major blind spots and blunders the show made - like having so few characters of color and, most offensive for me, the hugely harmful Fat Monica jokes? Absolutely. This show was of its time. It is also sometimes critiqued for some of its queer- and transphobic jokes, and I get that. At the same time, from the start of the show we have one of the first recurring lesbian couples in TV history, and rewatching it, I notice that Ross is the main butt of the jokes involving Carol and Susan. Is he upset and whiny about his wife leaving him for a lesbian? Yes, of course, but the writers never demonize Carol for making this choice - Ross is portrayed as the big baby. And of course his feud with Susan is played for laughs during the first season, but ultimately Ross accepts his role as one of three parents to his son. This is actually quite a queer-positive storyline, which was not at all the norm on TV in the early-to-mid 1990s.
This is all to say, Friends has its issues, but the fundamental meat of the show - the amazing chemistry of this sextet of actors and the many permutations of pairing them off with each other (along with incredible comedic writing) - still makes for amazing television.
Unsurprisingly I’ve been paying a lot more attention to Perry’s performance in particular and he was just so goddamn funny. Literally in the first episode in the first few minutes, he has a total banger, the perfect execution of a joke:
And then there’s the third episode of the series - here’s a highlight reel of his performance in it:
I think each character on Friends was so well-thought out and unique (kudos to the writers!), each funny in their own way. Like, Lisa Kudrow and Matt LeBlanc as the two “airheads” of the group are just so incredibly committed to the personas of Phoebe and Joey. But Chandler is a favorite for many people because of his sarcasm - more than the others, he always had this darkness and sadness and loneliness lurking just beneath the surface. I didn’t remember that he hates Thanksgiving because his parents broke up at Thanksgiving. He has a truly LOL moment in the season 1 Thanksgiving episode where at a certain point, everyone’s plans have fallen through and they’re all mad at each other and yelling. And you see Chandler with this self-satisfied smile, and he says something like, “NOW it feels like Thanksgiving.” Chandler is the malcontent of the group - and that doesn’t really change until he gets together with Monica. I think a lot of people see themselves in Chandler.
Obviously behind the very funny person that was Matthew Perry, there was a ton of darkness and addiction and pain. I feel like that’s not unusual for funny people - they seem to really need and crave external validation (which I’m not side-eyeing them for, I totally get it!), but ultimately if you’re not ok with yourself, it doesn’t matter how much attention and praise is showered onto you. It won’t matter, it will never be enough.
Anyway, I truly hope Matthew Perry is at peace now. I’m gonna keep rewatching Friends.
So, I know I’ve been pretty bad about keeping up this newsletter in 2023. The main reason is that I’ve been going through a lot of professional turmoil and uncertainty this year. (Honestly, that has absolutely extended to my emotional life as well, but that’s another story). I’ve always struggled to define this newsletter - or rather, I’ve resisted defining/categorizing it in terms of topic, because I just didn’t want to choose one thing. I know that having a theme would help me grow the newsletter, but it feels so fundamentally not me to pick just one thing to write about. You all know how broad-minded I am, how much I resist being put into a box, and how much I always fear making the wrong decision. At the same time, I think it’s good sometimes to make decisions and see where they take you - I want to push through my aversion to making a choice. As my first voice teacher used to tell me (and I apparently did not take it enough to heart): “Why do you think there are erasers at the end of pencils?”
All this is to say that I’d like to make a decision about whether I’m going to align this newsletter’s content with my podcast or not - which (reminder!) is about Cuban music and its global impact. One idea is that I would figure out some related content to share in the newsletter and peg it to my podcast episodes.
Speaking of my podcast, I’ve now passed the 25-episode mark! Apparently 80% of podcasts don’t make it to 10 episodes, so I’m already in the top less than 20%. As someone who often has trouble celebrating and recognizing my wins, I’m trying to do better about gassing myself up and realizing that I’ve been really consistent and disciplined with this project, despite the many hours of unpaid work it entails (and yes, I do hope it won’t always be unpaid work). Also (and I hope those of you who’ve checked it out will agree), I think I’m putting out a high-quality podcast.
The other option I’m considering is going back to a more pop culture-focused newsletter - remember my mini-reviews of shows and movies I watched and recommended? Did you like this post on Matthew Perry and Friends? Do you want this type of commentary or recommendations on a more regular basis? I always have lots to say on this topic and now that Twitter/X has been ruined, I’m trying to figure out where to spend my social media time. I’ve been spending more time on both Bluesky and Threads - please come find me if you’re on there too and I have some Bluesky invite codes if you need one! - but it’s been slow-going to find a good platform to discourse and have conversations about pop culture. One place that has been very fun in this respect has been the Chat function in Substack, but that really only works when you have hundreds of readers/followers on this platform. But even if you don’t want to learn about the Chat function, you can always leave me comments on these Substack posts I publish - I’d really love to hear from you!
Ok, I’m sure all of this was much more than you wanted to know. PLEASE help me make a decision by voting in this poll
Finally, the situation in Israel-Palestine has of course been weighing on me substantially over the last month. I have lots of feelings about it all but there are far more qualified, knowledgeable people enough to talk about it in depth.
However, I do have a recommendation for a podcast that I have found to be really crucial listening on this issue, providing the necessary nuance that is so sorely lacking in most corners of the internet and media sphere. It’s the Ezra Klein show - he’s had some wonderful guests on in the past month and is having some really hard, but deep conversations about this conflict. I highly recommend it.
I hope everyone has a peaceful, non-toxic, and maybe even joyful Thanksgiving - we all really need it.
Big hugs.